The Commitment to Write

I read a blog article this morning about finding your passion as a writer, which for me is the easy part of writing. I can't NOT be passionate about the 19th century, even if I tried! :)

However, there was one part of the article that really stuck out for me: Remove the Roadblocks. It's about removing tolerations from your life that have been sapping your energy and attention.

For me, unfortunately, these roadblocks often consist of unwanted commitments. I want to please people, so I'm not very good at saying "no" and setting boundaries. I like to participate and, combined with my enthusiasm at starting something new, this often pulls me into commitments I'm not comfortable with nor help my emotional state. These commitments can be anything from a toxic relationship to a responsibility I have undertaken to more tasks at work.

I dream of bookshelves full of my novels, not my name as editor on such-and-such newsletter or webmaster of such-and-such website. I've left unfinished projects and emotionally draining responsibilities by the wayside because, truthfully, my heart hasn't been in it.

But where does that leave my novels?

Second place, third place, fourth place. They slip farther and farther down the totem pole of priorities, until they, too, become part of the unfinished flotsam cluttering my hard drive and my heart. Pretty soon, I begin to think of myself as someone who NEVER FINISHES ANYTHING, when that isn't true at all. I DO finish things - but I finish the things I care about! I DO make commitments, but I make commitments to the things (husband, dogs, friends, home, writing, music) that I care about.

I should take it as a clue when my interest starts to wane about something that I should never have said YES to it in the first place. A NO would have been better, would have freed my time up for the other things I WILL make a commitment to.

I'm not superwoman, and nobody is. We need to set boundaries and say NO to the things that sap our writing time, our me-time, our commitment-time for the things that DO matter.

It's funny, that when I truly make the commitment to something that matters, it doesn't feel like a commitment. It doesn't feel like a burden, it doesn't feel like something I have to do. It becomes something I want to do. I'm fully present, no details slip by the wayside, and, miraculously, things get done. Scenes get written, chapters get finished, and soon completed rough drafts sit on my hard drive, ready to edit. The dogs get fed, walked and taken out and snuggle with me on the couch in the evenings to watch period dramas and Red Sox games. My husband and I share a laugh over a funny picture on the internet, chat about Top Chef and politics, and look forward together to our June Ireland trip!

My real commitments bring me joy and deep love, day in and day out. If I didn't care, I wouldn't put in the time.

Someday, thanks to my "no's" to the things I don't commit to, that bookshelf with those novels will be real. It is my castle in the sky and picturing it in my mind brings me joy and deep love.

I make the commitment to my dream.